Say things that will help maintain a positive mental attitude. There is a natural human tendency is believe that life will continue to be the way it is. That’s one reason a layoff is so shocking—one minute you’re employed and financially secure, the next minute you’re not. Once that happens, there may be a tendency to believe that the bad result—unemployment—will go on forever. In one of my wife’s down moments, I recounted a recent experience when I was trying to fill a bare spot in our lawn. I planted new grass seeds, but only a few came up after a week. So I planted more, and a couple of days later some of the seeds I had given up on began to sprout, and then once the new seeds arrived the bare spot was filled. The moral: you never know when a seed you plant will grow, and the result may surprise you. I reminded her of this anecdote whenever she was down about the job search—including the morning of the day when she received her offer.
Be open-minded about the kind of job your spouse will land. When the process began, both my wife and I had preconceptions about the job she would find to replace it. The job she found was different and probably a better step in the long-term than what either of us would have seen her landing when the process began. The position she accepted is a contractor position for a large company that will initially pay far less than her old job. However, it will give her the experience to transition to a permanent job in a different, more recession-proof industry that pays more and has more family friendly opportunities than the industry she was in.
Focus on improving yourself, particularly in ways your spouse will appreciate. Psychologists will tell you that if you want to find out how difficult it is to change another person, try to change yourself. During the job search, the temptation to criticize your spouse will be overwhelming. Her or his job search will inevitably be less than perfect in some respect, and it’s appropriate to comment constructively (and particularly to offer to do something to help using your own skills). After all, your ability to improve each other may have been one of the reasons you hit it off in the first place. However, the truth is that you have no idea how well you would be performing if the situation was reversed and you don’t want to find out.
If you need to be a critic, you may be much more productive in turning your critical eye inward and working to improve yourself in an area that would be meaningful to your spouse. My wife had long complained about my eating habits. Towards the end of her search, I decided to try the popular diet, the “South Beach Diet” conceived by Dr. Arthur Agatston. The results were outstanding. I lost 8 pounds in a few weeks, look and feel better, and have much healthier eating habits. Moreover, she appreciated that I was working to improve myself, so that she was not the only one of the two of us working to improve their station in life.
Of course every situation is different. In many respects we were lucky. I remained steadily employed, we had been living well within our means to start with, and we are located in an area that remains economically stronger than the national average. Most importantly, my wife was responsible and structured in handing her job search. After the grieving period she settled into a regular routine of getting right to the search after I left for work, going to the gym in the late morning, and continuing the search and doing errands outside the house in the afternoon. So while not all of my advice will apply in every case, hopefully some of it will. Good luck, and may you soon enjoy the happy day that we did!
[...] How to Help Your Unemployed Spouse Find a New Job After a Layoff [...]
Thanks I really needed this.